Treating ADHD - Learn To Manage Forgetfulness & Working Memory Issues
Have you ever forgotten the name of someone you met a few minutes ago?
Lost your phone and looked for it everywhere despite holding it in your hand?
Walked into a room with a clear goal in mind only to forget why you were there?
Having ADHD can cause serious challenges to working memory, both in remembering information you need in the present and turning something into a reliable long-term memory.
This article will offer information on how to increase the chance of retaining memories, as well as strategies you can use that don't rely on improving your memory but work around it.
How to Improve Working Memory
There are many effective memory exercises and techniques you can try and research on your own:
Chunking (breaking the memory into smaller parts)
Mnemonics (association with memorable phrases you can easily recall)
Creating associations with other memories, experiences, and concepts (mind maps, charts, flashcards)
Saying what you need to remember out loud (names, numbers, dates)
Writing down and/or explaining in your own words
Most of them are self-explanatory once you read the name, and you've likely tried them in your own life in some way. For instance, school often teaches students how to use common phrases and rhymes using mnemonics, and many people with ADHD voice out their thought patterns while trying to remember something.
Working memory techniques can be very useful, especially in a field where you memorize tons of information. However, specializing in memory improvement drills may be a step you want to consider after addressing other ADHD symptoms tightly connected to working memory issues. Those include:
Inattention - To capture a memory, you must pay full attention to it for 15 to 20 seconds minimum. If you tend to zone out, get distracted, and multi-task a lot, then it's very hard for your brain to concentrate long enough to form reliable memories effectively.
Boredom - Your brain is much more likely to hyper-focus and immerse itself in meaningful activities aligned with intrinsic desires and motivations. The more you enjoy what you are doing, the more likely you are to pay attention and remember.
Emotional dysregulation - There is only so much your brain can put its energy in and attention towards. So, if you are overwhelmingly stressed, highly emotional, and flooded with endless thoughts, it's hard to pay attention long enough or even care altogether about remembering something.
If you have severe working memory issues that create problems in your daily life, you can look more into any of the exercises mentioned above. But, for most people, the strategies offered below will be enough because you can easily implement them and get results without trying to fundamentally change your brain.
Four Ways To Work Around Working Memory Issues
In many cases, what you have to remember will be forgettable, boring, and not useful in the long term. Not everything is worth remembering, and your brain knows it. Even if it's worth remembering, it is not always needed or worth keeping in your brain because you can store the information somewhere else and reduce the mental energy you need to put into remembering.
Thankfully, many tools, devices, and systems can easily achieve the same result while freeing up mental space.
Memory management strategies:
Note taking - Whether digital in an app or physical with a notepad, take note of everything that ought to be remembered as soon as you learn about it. Note-taking can also be relevant before or after conversations if you want to write down the thoughts you want to express or wish to scribble down the important details that were shared. Don't feel ashamed about it.
Alarms and digital reminders - You will inevitably get distracted or go down a rabbit hole without realizing it. For tasks and responsibilities during the day, you can set alarms, like an alarm for every 30 minutes, so you snap back after getting distracted. You can leave reminders for important duties and events in the upcoming weeks or months in your digital calendar. Don't take risks - if you can potentially forget, set yourself an automatic reminder.
Physical reminders and cues - Get as creative as possible: whiteboard on the fridge or on the wall in the bedroom, erasable markers, which you can use to write on the mirrors in the bathroom and the hall, etc. Experiment and try different ways to remind yourself of tasks you should do today or tomorrow.
Watches - The solution to a distorted perception of time is to have a visible clock in every single room where you live. This way, you have a visible and easy way to stay on track. For example, you can get creative and even have one waterproof clock in the bathroom, so you can snap back to reality instead of standing on the toilet with your phone for 20 minutes. Using clocks is much better than your phone since modern technology has made it full of dangerous temptations that are the perfect way to procrastinate.
On top of this, you want to make sure that everything important is always visible. Out of sight literally means out of mind when you have ADHD.
Have a whiteboard in your room so that you know what you have to be working on. Attach sticky notes with exclamation marks and use colors so that they can remind you of what you were supposed to do in a particular place or time. If it's not always visible, you are more likely to forget. Multiple reminders increase the chance you will pay attention to the visible cues.
Finally, the more important an upcoming event is, the more you want to prepare in advance. For example, if you have an upcoming trip, make a to-do list of everything you need to get so you can't forget anything. Similarly, in the workplace, if you absolutely need to be on time and know you tend to overestimate how much time you have, plan in advance to get there 15 to 20 minutes earlier to account for the expected delay.
The most common excuse people use to avoid relying on systems is the shame that comes from it. For most, having a watch is normal, but setting 12 alarms during the day feels like you are out of your mind or a weak person who needs a wheelchair for the most basic of tasks.
This couldn't be further from the truth.
Not remembering doesn't mean you are lazy, incompetent, or lack intelligence.
You don't have to desperately hoard information and beat yourself up for forgetting something. In much the same way grades in school based on memorization don't say anything about your intelligence, how much assistance you need to compensate for your memory doesn't mean you lack talent and potential.
Coping With The Shame, Regret, and Self-Loathing When You Forget
All of the strategies described above will help you to stay productive, but they are not enough to make you happy with your memories or lack thereof.
People with ADHD have issues with capturing memories because they don't pay attention for long enough, disassociate completely, or are not stimulated enough to remember. Furthermore, the retrieval of memories can also be impaired. You can remember something that has happened if given some details and examples, but on your own, you may completely forget important details or entire events.
This is why you will hear anecdotes of people with ADHD panicking over the fact they barely remember anything in their childhood. Unfortunately, forgetfulness does not end with your childhood.
You are somehow eternally stuck in the present, with most memories being vague images or blurred fragments. Yet, you drift off, zone out, and get distracted even in the present moment, leaving you to forget what happened a few hours ago. It's a paradox and a nightmare at the same time.
Being forgetful is not a death sentence, but it can be soul-crushing to forget precious moments in your child's development and growth, the first dates and signs of genuine intimacy you had with your current partner, and other important events worth celebrating and cherishing.
It can leave you filled with guilt for not trying hard enough to remember and shame for not caring enough for the people and events you have forgotten.
Writing in a journal has been one of the few techniques that have helped me hold onto precious memories.
In the past, doing it daily felt too bothersome and borderline boring because my routine was pretty repetitive. There wasn't much standing out day to day. This is why I promised myself to keep a diary, but only for important events that break from the monotony of everyday life.
I would write about holiday celebrations, tournaments I did when debating competitively, each trip abroad, and anything else that stands out. It wasn't much effort, 30 minutes to an hour twice per month maximum. I think this is manageable for all of us.
Not only can you re-visit the journal entry and remember the experience with vivid details and nuance you may have forgotten, but in the writing itself, you can better make sense of how you were feeling and what you were thinking. It's an effortless way to retrieve memories, and it helps you to remember better because you have to bring back what has recently happened and write it down.
Keep in mind journal entries are better the sooner you write them after an important event. The more you wait and linger, the more your feelings and thoughts in the moment begin to pass and change.
Key Takeaways
Working memory issues can make you feel like you are either turning into an amnesiac or suffering from the earliest reported case of Alzheimer's in history.
You can try your best to memorize better, create systems to account for your forgetfulness, and obsessively write down everything in a diary, but it may still not feel enough to remove the shame and guilt.
Coping with the memory challenges brought by ADHD is a battle of accepting yourself as much as it is an effort to not forget anything important at work or home.
